NHL Should Award Steve Ott Lady Byng Trophy

DALLAS, Texas – March 15, 2011

The NHL, in a surprise move months before the annual player awards were to be handed out, have circumvented the Professional Hockey Writers Association and named Dallas Stars center Steve Ott as this year’s recipient of the “Lady Byng Memorial Trophy” for most gentlemanly player.

Unnamed sources high within the NHL state that, like the Allies handing Ethiopia to Mussolini in 1936, the thinking behind this somewhat shocking decision by the League was “pure appeasement”, and mostly to stop Ott’s “crying” over getting a dose of his own medicine last night in Dallas.

No further comment was given by the source, and as to the rumor that the “most gentlemanly” award was to be renamed in Steve Ott’s honor, the source said curiously, “…guys, you know I can’t comment on us changing the ‘Ott Award’ to the ‘Lady Byng’…I mean…’Byng’ to the ‘Ott’…I mean, I should go.”

Might actually be a good idea.

To paraphrase the famous saying, “those who do not remember their history are doomed to repeat it,” and if history shows us anything, it’s that nothing is worse than a whiney Steve Ott…excepting that of a whiney Italian dictator.

Honestly, I might give him an award for even dropping the gloves (sort of) against Doug Murray.  I say, “sort of” because Murray didn’t actually know he was in a fight until, in typical Ott fashion, he was hit by a few Ott haymakers and using his superior Swedish intellect, quickly deduced that he was indeed in a scrap and the offending little furry man needed to be dealt with.

Now, usually, I will would try my hardest to heap some kind of praise on a guy for even trying to go after the Sharks big Swede, but this one looked like a pgymy fighting a viking.

The reason Ott’s panties were in a bunch was that Murray had gotten his elbow up a couple times and delivered two questionable hits during the game, and Ott was trying to come to the defense of his team.  Hey, even for a mouth breather like Ott, whose heart pumps green bile, that’s commendable.

The fight is worth a glance, but here’s a quick recap if you are more into the brevity thing:  Steve Ott on back, Doug Murray pointing and laughing at Ott and talking mad Swedish sh**.

Then, later, Steve Ott took an elbow from Dany Heatley that was far from accidental, but nonetheless, a type of cheap shot that Ott has featured since coming to the NHL.  Ott whined about it during the game, and later after the game like a guy who had never seen the inside of a penalty box.  For a no-talent instigator who uses blindsided hits, sucker punches and high elbows the way other artists use oils or pastels–it is his true medium–it seemed a little hypocritical.

Wait, Otter…you mean a high elbow like this?

Oh yeah, Ott uses the flying elbow more than “Macho Man” Randy Savage, but last night, despite this own checkered personal history of cheap shots and suspensions there, in his glory, was Steve Ott, The Victim.

Ott pleaded for NHL help during the postgame presser, and called for accountability for Murray’s elbows and Heatley’s cheap shot stating, “it’s time to get this stuff out of the game…protect the guys.”

Protect the guys, y’know like I do. Brings a tear to the eye.

Here’s one of the great gentleman leaving his feet to protect none other than the NHL’s Head of Discipline, Colin Campbell‘s son Gregory who plays for the Bruins.

So, I guess the good news is that Ott will have plenty of visual aids to bring to his protest march for player’s safety, for if anyone is an expert on putting player’s health recklessly in danger, it’s Steve Ott.

Now, if you’re having a hard time at this point holding back the bile in your throat as you try to digest that these comments actually coming from Steve Ott‘s mug, you’re not alone.

For those of you that might argue that the messenger is not as important as the message of curtailing possible brain injuries, I will respectfully disagree.  It is the height of hypocrisy for a multiple-suspensioned Steve Ott to be crying foul for being on the receiving end of questionable hits after delivering so many.

I would just as soon take morality lessons from The Situation.

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