Comrades! Rise Up Against the Real Red Menace!

source: s.m. williams


Tonight is the dawn of a new world order, a glorious moment in San Jose Sharks history that will soon and forever be chronicled by historians, and celebrated throughout the land in both song and verse…along with many beers at Henry’s Hi-Life.

Tonight, we the San Jose Sharks and their fans shall rise at one, and witness the righteous forces of our just cause in glorious battle.  Warrior-poets clad in black, teal and that strange rust color shall finally rid the 2011 NHL Playoffs of the scourge of the venerated Detroit Red Wings.

Friends, this evening will mark a very special night for our cause, and our victory will also result in the San Jose Sharks no longer being relegated to lucky proletariat status by the bourgeoisie Red Wings and their media lap dogs.

For tonight, we shall beat back the real red menace for the second year in a row, and in doing so, cement our places as their rightful heir.

Old enemy, we know you well.

Fellow comrades, before we even fully knew our own potential, we were thrown into the lion’s den against this menace from Detroit years ago.  Against all odds, and having only the support of our fellow brothers and sisters clad in Pat Falloon and Bob Errey jerseys, we announced our arrival.

Though not their equal on paper by any sane person’s estimate, we were not dettered and were more than their match on the ice in 1994!  To classify us as the underdog that year would have been a generous interpretation of the word at best—we really had no chance.  Or so they thought.  Yet still we rose, and secured a historic victory over the enemy that would effectively launch our young franchise and serve as still, the greatest San Jose Sharks victory ever.

Comrade Jamie Baker, while we regret the loss of your mullet, we celebrate your heroics during each annual Feast of Baker held on your birthday at Original Joe’s and around the South Bay.  Your goal marked the second Shot Heard ‘Round The World for Bay Area fans, and your number should have been retired the morning after that game.  In fact, people shouldn’t even be able to voice your name at full volume around the Tank during the playoffs, it should be whispered…and your story passed on to future Shark generations in hushed tones of reference.

However comrades, the enemy has also reminded over the years that one series win equated to neither the need to respect or to fear us—so they didn’t do either.  Instead, the year after Baker’s Shot Part Deux, Detroit beat us senseless in a four game sweep.  They bloodied us in the 1995 playoffs like a over-matched bantam team, allowing the dismissive NHL media a chance to brand us as one-hit-wonders, and causing us to even doubt ourselves as a new force in the NHL.

I remember it being so quiet that day years ago, as I watched with fellow supporters.  It wasn’t even quiet, as much as it was silent.  An entire bar of fans who had been kicked in the gut all at once.  A silence that I still remember to this day comrades, and one that was like holding your breath underwater with your eyes closed.

But, within our bruised bodies held an indomitable spirit, and one that could not be forever extinguished.  And maybe, we should have fired Comrade Constantine after that sweep, but really, that would have been balls considering his epic 1994 victory.

Still, the enemy’s summary punishment left a sting with that 1995 playoff exit, but their victory’s only true legacy would be of steeling the focus of an entire Shark organization and fan base.  One who would work tirelessly to get back to a spot on the mountain, just ahead of them.

Friends, we approach that bluff tonight.

Yes, comrades, over the years and through other series in coming seasons with these very Red Wings, we have tasted both the sweet and the sour.  They arrive each time and prance around the rink as the so-called better team, demanding respect because of the laundry they wear.

In actuality, Detroit just masquerades as this champion of the industrial working class…not unlike their #1 fan, Kid Rock, who masquerades as just a good ole boy from the holler.

Nobody is buying the wannabe Southern-boy act Rock, we all still remember “Bawitdaba” and you upchucking the boogie so lose the fake accent for your own sake, before a real Southern boy…with a real accent takes umbrage…diggy diggy.

The reality is that the Red Wings are all just a bunch of tea sipping elites, who dwell high in an anciently constructed tower of the NHL.

But, friends, that tower is cracking…

We took out the foundation last year by knocking them out of the playoffs, and will finally topple this Most Dominating Team in the Western Conference edifice tonight.  Twice in a row will be no happenings of dumb luck my friends, and while the blinded media is happy to chronicle our series win last year as just a fluke, they will not be able to advance that drivel after we do it again.

Two years in a row comrades, is far from any fluke, luck or serendipity.

Tonight, the San Jose proletariat will RISE and the Detroit Red Wing fat cats, who live off the trappings and reputation of a previous age and exploits of previous teams, will forever be gone and relegated to the tracts of history.

Tonight, comrades, the San Jose Sharks will take their rightful place as captains of their own fate, advancing to the Western Conference Finals…against hopefully Nashville, because, I mean let’s be honest comrades…the ‘Preds would be infinitely better.

Tonight, the real red menace of Detroit and their fawning media and fans, will be silenced by the true heroes of the people…men wearing the symbol of the snapping shark of truth on their chests.

Men who will say little…but will make thunderous statements in front of the most glorious home crowd atmosphere on the face of the planet.

Go Sharks.

Tags: #nhlplayoffs Detroit Red Wings NHL NHL Playoffs Red Wings San Jose San Jose Sharks Sharks Stanley Cup Playoffs Wings

  • Geoffrey Chiles

    What a load of melodramatic crap. You may win this series, but you’re not supplanting Detroit as the West’s perennial power.

    You know why? Ken Holland is the best GM in the League, and he and our scouting staff have proven it year after year after year…

    Go Wings.

  • S.M. Williams

    Thanks for checking it out Geoffrey. Your reign of terror is almost over and not too late to join the cause of good. Great rivalry and game off to a great start. Go Sharks.

  • Dylan Maloney

    The NHL is cyclical in its lifespan. Teams go through stages: from Rebuilders, to Middle-of-the-Pack competitors, to Playoff Contenders, and back again. And If they’re lucky, they build a lasting dynasty that helps them cheat the inevitable stage of franchise decay a little longer. The Detroit Red Wings are such a team. Gone are the days of Stevie Y’s overtime prowess, the Grind line, and other such elements that propelled them to past victories. Now is the time of their descent.

    Regardless of how proud I am to be a Red Wings fan, I am still inclined to agree with your analogy. Many of us have become spoiled by constant victory, and I can see why supporters of other franchises would seek to ‘overthrow’ us as through we were a hierarchal entity of oppression. I’m not going to say we don’t have asshole fans. I’m not going to say the team doesn’t sometimes make mistakes with regards to sportsmanship and fair play. What I am saying is that for the most part, our team’s always been respectful of our opponents. In defeat and in victory; they play for their love of the game, nothing more. They’ve even had to put up with Sean fucking Avery in their dressing room.

    So hate us all you want, but ten, fifteen, twenty years from now, long after the bandwagoners have all moved on to either support you or Vancouver, the rest of us will be here. Ready for the The Red Wings rebuild.

    Be seeing you.

    • S.M. Williams


      First of all, thank you for a thoughtful reply, a little rare in forums such as this and proof that smart banter is also fun.

      This is all in fun and obviously hyperbole…well, obvious to most at least. There’s a reason why supplanting the Red Wings would feel so good and that’s precisely because of what you detailed — they are/were constantly victorious.

      Red Wing fans great in the place where it really matters…when you’re wearing Sharks gear at the Joe. Respectful, fun, no animosity…well “light” animosity.

      Nope, no hate, actually a little difficult as I have have a checkered history with the Detroit Red Wings ( Many weeks spent in Northville, MI throughout my youth hearing all about guys like Stevie Y and skating on my Dad’s original hockey skates on the back pond.

      That said, it still feels amazing to beat the Red Wings, precisely because they are the historic, respectful, hard working, multiple Cup winning team you reference — for pete’s sake, you have two players on the ice tonight in Datysuk and Frandsen probably playing with broken bones! Talk about the anti-Averys.

      I’m an SF Giants fan so am well versed in the bandwagon crew…you’ll be back quick, you know it, we know it, it pisses us off but it’s just the truth.

      You have to beat the champ to be the champ.

      Thanks again for weighing in.


  • Monica McAlister

    Looked more like a Red Sea rising than the Red Sea being parted…

    • S.M. Williams


      I was just seeing red all over…everywhere that third frame. Apparently, they play three periods of hockey now in regulation…I’ll send a memo.

      Like I said, ‘beat the champ to the be champ’ and it ain’t the first to three wins. Flashbacks of getting owned by Byfuglien last year on that Holmstrom tally.

      You guys take the next game at home?…serious yip factor.

      • Monica McAlister

        Sharks are not the only team that forgets that there are three 20 minute periods on hockey. Red Wings did the same in game four – thought forsure they were going to blow it at home.

        Would love to head Downtown for tomorrows game but I doubt it will happen.

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