Nothing Rhymes With Sedin...Except Fear

The San Jose Sharks started off 2011 in perfect fashion with a hard fought victory on New Year’s Day over the Los Angeles Kings. Now, they will now look to carry that momentum into the New Year’s home schedule when they face the maelstrom that is the Vancouver Canucks.

This will not be easy.

You know those two creepy twin girls in identical blue dresses you see at the end of that hallway in “The Shining”? The ones who hold hands and beckon to the kid on the big wheel to come and play with them forever and ever and ever?

Uh, those would be the Sedin boys. Red rum…RED RUMMMM!

Daniel and Henrik Sedin are about as potent an offensive combination as there is right now in the NHL, and are as scary as it gets for opposing teams these days. A perfect symbiosis of pain to foes as brother Daniel scores the goals (20), while brother Henrik simply dishes out the assists (40). Throw in the fact that they look exactly the same right down to their matching Circuit City employee goatees, that they finish each other’s sentences and show little emotion and they’re downright diabolical in that overwrought, cheesy Hollywood villain kind of way.

In short, the Sharks will have their hands full this evening.

Add to the mix that the Canucks are the hottest team in the NHL, and it makes the challenge all the more daunting tonight for Team Teal. Since Thanksgiving, the Canucks have rattled off a 14-3 record, and scored a whopping 69 goals during that stretch. If the Sedins are the creepy twins at the end of the “Overlook Hotel” hallway, then Roberto Luongo is simply the torrential flood of blood coming down said hallway…and rapidly towards the Sharks. After a brief stretch of mortality earlier in the season, Luongo has returned to elite form for Vancouver, winning 11 of his last 13 decisions.

To combat the Swede super twins and symbolic river of goalie blood that is Bobby Lou, the Sharks will roll out the usual faces of Joe Thornton, Dany Heatley, Ryane Clowe and Patrick Marleau. Yes, begrudgingly, Patrick Marleau will also be included amongst the elite roll call today, primarily because he needs to be elite for the Sharks to go places and I am engaging in a hopeful exercise of self-fulfilling prophesy.

Full disclosure–Marleau was honestly dead to me until I had a dream two nights ago where he literally slashed off Cory Sarich’s head…so he’s back in.

Tearful appeal time. It doesn’t even have to be Sarich next time the Sharks play the Calgary Flames, but I’d love to see even a mildly distempered slash across the calves of any poor Canuck tonight just because. You honestly should have seen Marleau in my dream. He was breathing fire and raging the Saddledome like some Aneroid, Saskatchewan spawned Godzilla while Randy and Drew called the play-by-play. Marleau took no prisoners and literally drove the enemy before him while hearing the lamentations of their women–all while Drew Remenda criticized the Sharks’ bunchy defensive positioning. It was epic dream and Lanny McDonald was sobbing in the corner for crying out loud, cut down by the fury and power of one Patrick Denis Marleau!

It was spectacular…then I woke up and realized that the guy’s probably never even fought for a parking space at Santana Row. That aside, it is within Patrick Marleau, and if San Jose is going to meet the playoffs head on, with all their guns, we need him to continue his improving play.

Outside of that, Captain Calder needs a tally, so how’s about a nice give and go tonight with Clowey eh? Sharks need Logan Couture to remain hot and besides, Logan’s tweets are infinitely more interesting the nights when he scores, versus on nights when he doesn’t and you get a lot of the “getting dinner with the boys then watching Dexter” variety.

Fascinating, man. Dexter huh? Awesome. What did you eat tonight so I can update the excel sheet?

Yes, I follow Logan Couture’s tweets…but don’t make fun because we both know you do too.

Nothing Rhymes With Sedin…Except Fear

By Editorial Staff | Jan 3, 2011